Hi, my friends.
It’s the 23rd of May in the UK today and it’s unusually hot. There’s so much sun pouring into my bedroom window I’ve had to close it, pull down the blinds and sit in the deep orange hue that is still somehow trying to barrage through screaming, “LOVE ME, FOR I AM THE SUN AND I AM HERE!”
I hope you’re having a great day today. What I need you to do is stop what you’re doing (besides reading this article) and put “Pink Moon” by Tash Sultana on. That is the soundtrack for this post and apology, for its cool vibe, and particularly its words I used through this entire apology post.
“Pink moon, light the darkest room, so I’ll find my way - put the records on, play my favourite song, wipe the dust away...”
Let’s start at the beginning…
If you’re new, hi, my name is Stephanie Lennox. I’ve always been a flaky, transgressive artist, and I’ve been neglecting this blog for waaaay too long. But now I’m back to make some noise.
If you’re a veteran, I’m sorry that we lost all of our comments in the revamp...! I’m just as heartbroken as you are. I can only promise you that this new direction I want to take us all in will be worth it.
“Put the kettle on, coffee high for fun, cut the noose, run away, you’re running with the wind, winter soon ends.”
Why I went away
The reason I’m so passionate about helping creative people conquer their fears and their demons is because I’m trying to be the person in the world that I NEED. Not just when I was younger, but right now. I went away because sometimes when you slay one demon, another one pops up in its place and you have to take some time out to find yourself again.
After two long years of stress brought on by a series of unfortunate events, I ended up in a less than idea situation - weighed down by depression, betrayals from people close to me and the hovering possibility of a diagnosis of BPD. And sure there were good moments too, but when such heavy issues were happening in my life, inevitably, some things fell away or got somewhat neglected in the chaos, and for me this was the business. I withdraw into myself when things get tough because that’s where I find my answers - however, I’m well aware that’s not the most considerate thing to do when people are following you.
I want to be completely honest and transparent because I can’t guarantee it WON’T ever happen again, and that’s what used to scare me so much.
But it’s also the reason I came back.
Not only do I just LOVE all this stuff I do, I love and truly believe in my products and LOVE the community and movement that are building around them… but I also remembered that my passion for the mental health of creatives was one of the main reasons I started all of this in the first place. Mental health, or just your general average everyday struggles, are never something to be ashamed of. It would have been selfish and hypocritical of me not to share that journey with other people who might be going through similar struggles and need to hear that they’re not alone. I have so much to say and to teach and I can’t let my own dark moments prevent me from my ultimate mission of shining light on others wherever and whenever I can.
It’s also always been important for me to represent the many minorities I represent, and to be a strong role model for mental health and for what I preach.
I’m here. Struggling at times but also loving life. Strong and resilient even if I drop off sometimes. LGBT and black and not letting it hold me back. Introverted but also loud and brash and making coin by being there for people and doing what I love. If I can be all these things and succeed, I promise you, you have no excuse. And one thing I won’t ever do is allow YOU to fall.
So there you have it, my story and apology. And the main thing I’m trying to explain here is that I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those consistent, everyday people. I’m not a “Mina Schwartz“. But I promise to be that one mean-looking, mysterious uncle who is actually really nice, and who comes out of the shadows from time to time with tickets to Disneyland.
YES I am a special brand of crazy, but you need to be to do this line of work. To keep a fire burning inside of your heart for so long, and a passion for other people and to run and lead movements.
“‘Cause I don’t care, no, I don’t care. And no, I don’t care, no, I don’t care…”
What’s coming now
When I’m sad, I create. And so even in what was supposed to be my “downtime” and my break from the creative world, I ended up with a crap ton of new material. SO many books are on their way. I have so much else planned too like new events and courses, that I’m actually grateful for the break and the experiences I’ve had. I really did just need to grow before I could even bring them to you all properly and now is finally the time. But as I work on launch plans for them all, you guys will have plenty on my new, revamped website to explore and I hope you find it all useful.
“’Cause I’m going crazy again, ‘Cause I’m going crazy again, again, again.”
What I need from you
Give me that chance to help you lead your best life. Sign up to my newsletter so you stay updated with quality content that will up-level your creative mindset and life. I have smart things to say, and it’ll get kind of boring and lonely over here if I have no one to say them to.
Come check on your girl sometimes. I promise I’ll have SOMETHING going on that will improve your life.
“Blinded by the light, putting up one hell of a fight. Weightless in the water, don’t care what they taught ya, no, I don’t care, no I don’t, no I…”